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A
Children's History of the Great American Empire
by
Garry Reed
A
SPECIAL NOTE TO THE CLASS OF 2047
Welcome
to the Federalized Educational and Socialization Indoctrination System of
the Great American Imperium. The Senior Lifetime Bureaucrats in charge of
programming your minds to ensure your Obedience and Usefulness to the
State have officially prepared this History Textbook "for the
children."
This
should have already been explained to you by your parents. If your parents
have told you anything different, you must immediately report it to the
Political Correctness Officer of your school.
This
is your History Book. It was paid for by Taxpayers. If you should lose it,
scribble in it, rip pages from it, or destroy it in a fit of desperate
boredom, simply ask your Politically Connected Lifetime Tenured Unionized
Fully Vested Teacher to give you another one. Since Textbooks are paid for
by Taxpayers, there is an unlimited supply of them.
(Allow
twelve to fourteen months for replacement textbooks to make their way
through the official FEMA Federalized/Unionized Homeland Security
distribution system.)
This
History book, combined with the Politically Correct Agenda forced on your
Teacher, will teach you everything you need to know about the history of
the Great American Hegemon in which you live.
If
your Teacher deviates even once from the Official Script, contact your
school's Political Correctness Officer.
Please
pay attention in class. If you don't, it is okay. In today's modern,
enlightened, communitarian student-based instructional environment, your
Teacher is not allowed to discipline you, touch you, talk mean to you, or
look at you sternly. If your Teacher does any of these things, tell your
Political Correctness Officer.
CHAPTER
ONE: HISTORY OF THE EMPIRE FROM BEGINNING TIMES TO NOW
In
the Beginning Times, there was a lot of land and the people were
disadvantaged and unequal and exploited. Then Government created a Country
and organized the people into One Big Village and invented Social Justice
and took care of everybody for free.
If
anyone tells you this is not true, like your parents or mentally disturbed
old people who have strange, goofy ideas, or especially those Education
Terrorists who call themselves Libertarians who try to get you hooked on
illegal "alternative texts" like Revisionist History, tell your
Political Correctness Officer immediately.
CHAPTER
TWO: THE NOW TIMES
The
History of Now is very important. If you learn this history properly and
never question it, you can continue along a State-Approved Indoctrination
Process that will allow you to someday become a Senior Lifetime Bureaucrat
in charge of something. To do so, you will have to bribe, blackmail and
pressure your way through the incomprehensible Civil Service job matrix
from Junior Suck-up to Self-Seeker to Toady to Sycophant to Master
Manipulator.
If
you don't know anyone who can weasel you into a Government Job, you will
be forced into a lifetime as a Common Working Taxpayer.
The
first lesson to learn about history is that History is Politics and
Politics is History. If a Great American Politician did not do something
and take credit for it, it didn't happen.
The
second lesson is: History is Politics and Politics is Truth.
Quickie
Fun Quiz:
1.
If anyone tells you anything that is not approved by the Federal Office of
Indoctrination, you must report it to your Political Correctness Officer.
TRUE/FALSE
2.
Your Teacher is not allowed to talk back to you. TRUE/FALSE
3.
Libertarian Thought-Terrorists will try to slip ugly lies into your brain.
TRUE/FALSE
CHAPTER
3: MODERN HISTORY OF THE GREAT AMERICAN EMPIRE
Memorize
this list of American Emperors from the Bushus-Clintonium Dynasty:
Geo
Bushus I
Willium
Clintonium
Geo
W Bushus II
Hillarius
Clintonium
JEB
Bushus the Younger
Chelsę
Clintonium
Jenna
Bushus Twin I and Barbarius Bushus Twin II, Sovereign Royals of the Pax
Americana Dual Throne
CHAPTER
4: CONCLUSION
You
have passed this course whether you learned anything or not.
Congratulations.
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