"You Blighted Nations"
Published 15 January 2005
(word count: 750)
According to a New York Times article, the United Nations wants to "reform" itself in the manner of bureaucracies everywhere, by expanding its size, either by adding six new permanent members to its Security Council or by adding another whole layer of worldcrats with six new semi-permanent countries. Libertarians would rather trip the fire alarm at the East River address and, once empty, quickly sell the building to The Donald and turn it into a casino.
Since that's not likely to happen in the next five minutes (or decades), let's play along and see if we can "pack" the Security Council, as FDR threatened to pack the Supreme Court, to the benefit of libertarians. After all, libertarianism, according to the International Society for Individual Liberty (ISIL) is a worldwide movement. So let's consider the UN's first scheme, which would add two countries from Asia, two from Africa and one each from Europe and "the Americas."
I nominate Andorra, that pint-sized polity perched in the Pyrenees twixt Spain and France. Not only is there no record of Andorra ever attacking anyone in its history, but what libertarian can resist a people whose major source of income for generations derived from the non-violent "crime" of smuggling?
The only choice is Somalia, which some libertarians laud as a shining example of spontaneously emergent anarcho-capitalism, which has functioned quite nicely, thank you, without a national government since it was kicked out in 1991 and without externally imposed order since the US and its Black Hawk helicopters were downed and kicked out in 1993. (These same Anarcho-capitalists never seem to laud the free society that "spontaneously emerged" in Afghanistan following the ouster of the invading Soviets, but that's a divisive discussion for another day.) The only other possibility is Gibraltar, known variously as a British tax haven, the logo for a large American insurance company, and a rock on the opposite end of Spain from Andorra. That location makes it part of Europe, not Africa, but that should be no problem for planetary-wide politicians. Diplocrats can create anything simply by declaring it into existence, which is how the UN was created in the first place. So we simply declare Gibraltar seceded from Europe and annexed to Africa and we have our two Dark Continent countries.
One should be Mongolia, hands down. Not Inner, not Outer, but the former People's Republic. An article on the aforementioned ISIL web site tells the tale of libertarian-inspired Elbegdorj Tsakhia (go ahead, you pronounce it) who led his land out of communism and into a Jeffersonian free-market – If not Somali style anarcho-capitalistic – republic following the fragmentation of the Soviet Union. Selecting a second country is problematic. Hong Kong is gone to us. Singapore has one-man rule. So let's pick Tibet. Not the Tibet swallowed up by the Red Chinese in 1950 but the Tibetan government-in-exile. And why not? They have no power to tax, regulate or invade anyone. And we can make them a member by using the same diplo-magic we used to shift Gibraltar from Europe to Africa. That'll really hack off China, but not nearly as much as if we pick Taiwan.
"The Americas" 1
It's probably a bit premature to expect the Free State Project to take over the Concord government, secede from the US and declare the Republic of Free Hampshire. The best alternative, then, is Costa Rica, which sports the Movimiento Libertario with its five congressmen serving in the national government. With their newsletter reporting near universal governmental corruption and a majority of citizens really hacked off about it, the party is all out gung-ho going for the presidency in 2006. (Can't you just imagine a Central American country with a libertarian president? The CIA would have to overthrow it, for much the same reason that other African countries are sending troops into Somalia: worldcrats can tolerate neither Anarchy nor Libertarianism that actually works.)
In addition to six new countries, the bureau-brained country-bloat scheme intended to "reform" the UN also includes "three nonpermanent members elected for two-year terms." In this category, I nominate the following countries: Freedonia, Lower Slobbovia and the Duchy of Grand Fenwick. That'll keep the worldcrats (and younger readers) scratching their phrenological brain bumps trying to figure out where these countries are located.
And that's how we pack the UN. Load it up with small and/or nonexistent nation-states that don't have an interest in ruling the world. Their first order of business? Abolishing the United Nations.
- by Garry Reed