Published 01 September 2004

(word count: 750)

Sometimes, as a libertarian enshrouded by a cloud of politically gnasty gnats, it's hard to know where to start slapping.  Do I smack down a Republican administration for fostering campaign finance reform that foils our first amendment rights (and sock the sniveling Supreme Court as well for upholding much of it) or do I pummel the pachyderm party in print for imposing the Patriot Act upon us that rips off even more of our rights?

Naw.  Already done that.  Time now to gnaw on the lefty gnats when they start swarming with their incessant sympathy silliness that justifies their welfare groupfare socialistfare pretend-it's-not-racial-quotafare entitlements at the expense of us all.

In his weekly column, former Texas Congresscrat and Speaker of the House Jim Wright takes umbrage with VP Dick Cheney for taking umbrage with Sen. Kerry for taking umbrage with President Bush for not fighting a more "sensitive" war against terrorism.

Most conservatives, I suspect, envision a GI weeping and whimpering "gosh, I'm sorry" while he slaughters a pack of attackers aiming Kalashnikovs at his face.

But that's not exactly what the Right Honorable Wright means by "sensitivity."  What Right Hon. Wright means is – well, Right Hon. Wright isn't quite sure.  Which isn't surprising, since none of us are quite sure what the Right Hon. Kerry actually meant by a "sensitive" war against terrorism.

Wright first gives us a dictionary term like "aware of and responsive to the feelings of others" and follows that with his own fer-instance: "The fingertip controls of a modern F-16 jet are far more sensitive than those of a World War II B-24."  Can you say "switching contexts," Right Hon. Wright?  How is the "sensitive touch" of an aircraft the same as being "responsive to the feelings of others?"  Does the jet scream "oooh that hurts!" when you hit the afterburner because jets are just oh so sensitive these days?

Never mind.  Right Hon. Wright is here to wreak umbrage upon President Bush, not to be lucid.  And what umbrage-wreaking he does:

Wright sensitivity umbrage #1: "America's president should know that calling our military adventures in the Middle East a "crusade" needlessly antagonized Muslims, inviting armed resistance."

But Right Hon. Wright, don't you know that you're antagonizing American parents by describing their children as needlessly dieing in a mere "military adventure" rather than "heroically sacrificing their lives in a Glorious War of Freedom?"  Where is your sensitivity?  Also, you show no sensitivity for the Constitution, which confers upon congress the sole power to declare military adventurisms.  Nor is there sensitivity for the Founder's forewarning of forgoing foreign military flings.

Wright sensitivity umbrage #2: Higher fuel prices mean higher production and transportation costs, inflated living costs and stalled economic growth.  What we need is "better public transportation and more investment in alternative, renewable and less atmospherically polluting sources."

Yes, Right Hon. Wright, let's inflate living costs and stall economic growth by taxing the living crap out of the private sector for public transportation that is always behind construction schedule, millions over budget, runs eighty percent empty, solves no traffic or pollution problems, and is hated by almost everyone except local porkbarrelcrats.  And exactly what renewable and less atmospherically polluting sources are you talking about?  The one loved so much by the incredibly sensitive green weenie enviros – nuclear energy?

Wright sensitivity umbrage #3: "We're exporting U.S. jobs, not products.  Unaware, or unconcerned, presidential policy continues facilitating more American job transfers to low-wage countries.  This is insensitivity."

Companies don't go off-shoring exploring for low-wage workers.  If that's what they craved they'd flock to rural Mississippi and Alabama and Dogpatch.  Companies flee overseas to escape the high taxes, rules, regulations, labor laws, welfare groupfare socialistfare pretend-it's-not-racial-quotafare intrusiveness and continuing threats of justice department lawsuits all made possible by that great sensitive institution so loved by the Sensitive Right Hon. Wright, the federal government.

Wright sensitivity umbrage #4: America was known for skilled labor and quality products.  Now, we ship waste paper to China, China turns the stuff into cardboard boxes, stuffs cheap-labor stuff in the boxes and ships the stuff to us, thus "undermining US wage standards."

Now, I'm neither an economist nor a green weenie enviro, but I always thought that (a) spending less stash for stuff facilitates the family finances, therefore making it a good thing, and (b) recycling is sensitive.

So much for the umbraging.  It just goes to prove that one person's sensitivity is another person's political gimmick.

Write on, Right Hon. Wright.