They were stunned.  The gray, boring, unimaginative breed of moneysucking subhumans known as bureaucrats who inhabit the American enclave variously called Oz or Wonderland or Washington DC couldn't believe what they had just seen.  It was 2002, Super Bowl XXXVI, and the first Office of National Drug Control Policy "Drug Money Supports Terror" TV commercial had just aired.

Paperpushers and Agencycrats from all over Wonderland gathered in their natural habitat, a gray, boring, unimaginative federal building, to discuss what they had seen.

"It was brilliant," panted an envious Departmentcrat.  CNSNews.com said it was the government's largest single ad purchase in US history.  Nearly $3.4 million.  Let's all buy ads!"

"But … but … it was stupid and wasteful and ineffective," murmured a young Intern Crat-in-Training.

"That was the brilliance of it," explained a Subundersecretarycrat with jealous admiration.  "This is Oz.  A stupid wasteful ineffective program is always inherent proof that with more money it can become a smart worthwhile successful program.  Our budgets will go up every year.  It's only taxpayer money.  It's unlimited."

"Will both Democrats and Republicans approve this?" one Officecrat worried.

"Of course!" snorted an old savvy Insider Beltwaycrat.  "They're all the same."

"But how do we do this?" wondered a Political Appointeecrat.  "We're gray, boring and unimaginative."

"No problem," offered a Lowlevel Assistantcrat.  "We rub elbows with Madison Avenue."

MadAveHacks huddled in Gotham.  "Here's what I've got," intoned a Conceptguy.  "Americans are ignorant about Medicare.  Foxnews quoted Medicare Administratorcrat Tom Scully who said, 'the average senior has no clue what the benefits are.'  So we get this blimp and we paint 1-800-Medicare on it and we fly it around football games and state fairs and auto races where clueless seniors seldom congregate."

"How much taxpayer pelf do we get?"

"Won't that get kinda crowded?  Your blimp could collide with the Goodyear blimp or the Snoopy Met Life Blimp or the Fujifilm blimp or the Outback Steakhouse blimp or ..."

"Only $20 million.  But if we make sure it's a stupid wasteful ineffective campaign we'll get much more next year."

"Can blimps collide?  Don't they just bump and bounce offa each other?"

"It's a government blimp.  We'll just have those other blimps arrested."

"Here's my deal," bragged another Executivehack.  The Treasury Departmentcrats are throwing $53 million at us to show Americans what the new twenty dollar bills look like."

"But can't Americans see what money looks like by themselves?"

"Of course not.  Internal Revenuecrats take most of it away from them before they ever get to see it.  So we'll blow their own money to show them on TV what it would have looked like if they'd actually gotten to see it for real."

"What about the new fifties and hundreds coming out over the next five years?"

"Well, the $53 mil is supposed to cover that, but once those Demopublican congresscrats down in Ozland figure out this is a really stupid wasteful ineffective promotion we should get our budget doubled.  After all, how many average American tax slaves have ever actually seen a fifty or a hundred these days?  The Treasurycrats may not even print any.  They'll just squander tax money to advertise 'em."

"You think that's a really stupid wasteful ineffective promotion?"  Snorted a PrintAdHack.  "Check out what we got from the stupid wasteful ineffective Department of Homeland Securitycrats.  Everybody knows that computer geeks are stupid, right?  So the Washington Post says a bunch of big hi-tech companies are going to teach everyone that they need firewalls and anti-virus software to protect themselves from hackers and viruses, and the DHS Protectioncrats are chipping in $650,000 from their 2004 budget …"

"What?" guffawed an Ad-Slinger.  "Only $650,000?"

"I said, from their 2004 budget.  Just wait till they see what a stupid wasteful ineffective media blitz this turns out to be.  Anyway, we get to do TV and radio and newspapers and 'zines and movie theaters and even rub elbows with celebrities and prominent Government Shills.  We'll end up rolling in taxpayer dough a few years down the road."

"Wellll …" drawled an old experienced DC revolving door Marketer-Spokescrat-Marketer, "we ain't seen nothin' yet.  Just wait till the federal Obesitycrats get their budgets cooking.  We'll be running ad crusades telling people how and what and when and why to eat.  Talk about your stupid wasteful ineffective government programs.  It'll be worth billions."

"Oooh …" said the Mad Ave Spinmeisters.

"Ahhh …" said the District of Wonderland Squandercrats.

"Grrr …" said libertarians everywhere.