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Published 15 December 2002 (word count: 750)
It’s December, and The News Abusers are busy churning out those “Year in Review” potboilers. But libertarians, more so than most observers, are keenly aware that events from the past often produce those infamous “unintended consequences” in the future. As a public service, then, the Loose Cannon Libertarian looks at 2002 in the rear view mirror and boldly presents:
The Future in Review
From news.telegraph.co.uk: A toy manufacturer in upstate New York decided to fight back against Barbie dolls with a “plus-size” doll named “Emme,” a perfect scale model of a real-life size 16 model. Emme, real name Melissa Miller, is a vocal campaigner against eating disorders. She said the doll was a celebration of “diversity of body shapes.”
Future News Story: America’s Obesity Czar blasted the Emme doll today as sending the wrong message to America’s overweight children. “What are we telling our little girls when we give them a chunky toy?” The Federal Office of Official Diets (FOOD) is pressuring congress for $300 million for an educational anti-obesity program that would distribute Olive Oyl dolls to every underprivileged little rotund girl in the country. Disadvantaged little portly boys would receive Gumby action figures.
From AP: A Giant Food Stores customer protested a sign in a Pennsylvania super market that read: “In honor of Black History Month, we at Giant are offering a special savings on fried chicken.” The NAACP charged that the sign reinforces racist stereotypes. “Not all African-Americans eat fried chicken, greens and chitlins. We like salad, roast beef, low-fat chicken, just like everybody else,” a spokesperson said. Giant is sponsoring several programs for Black History Month, including jazz bands and soul food samples at several of its stores.
Future News Story: Giant Food Stores customers are protesting jazz bands and soul food samples in honor of Black History Month. “Not all African-Americans listen to jazz,” said a spokes-complainer for the NAACP. “We like hip-hop, gansta rap and classical music just like everybody else. And we don't just eat soul food. We eat Mexican, Chinese, Italian, and junk food just like everybody else.” When Giant Food Stores responded by canceling all Black History Month activities, the NAACP protested again. “We deserve unique recognition,” one activist grumbled.
From CNSNews: Earlier this year the Naperville IL City Council debated a measure that would change local building codes to require all newly built private homes to be made accessible to people with disabilities even if none of the prospective homeowners have disabilities. The measure was proposed by the “Visitability Movement” which aims to make it easier for disabled people to visit family and friends. Cities in Illinois, Georgia and Texas have already implemented such measures.
Future News Story: Citizens of Naperville IL are collecting signatures for a ballot initiative that would require every city council member who voted to make new private homes accessible to people with disabilities to make their own homes equally accessible at their own expense. The act would mandate jet ramps that extend from wheelchair-widened entryways directly to the sliding doors of handicap-equipped vans, Braille address numbers, closed-captioned doorbells with digital readout panels that say “ding-dong” for the hearing impaired, and fire hydrants in the backyard to make their homes more “visitable” to seeing-eye dogs. The group, part of the “Rationality Movement,” is working closely with citizens in Illinois, Georgia, and Texas who call their initiatives the Good for the Gander Act.
From Home School Legal Defense Association: Speaking of “visitability,” State Rep David Quall introduced a bill in the Washington State legislature that would allow any person to demand “visitation” with a child, even someone not related to a child by blood or marriage. The bill’s premise is that a minor child has an “interest in maintaining significant relationships with nonparents” even over the objections of the child’s parents.
Future News Story: A convicted child molester, a children’s porn photographer, and a recruiter from a Guatemalan sweat shop showed up at the home of State Representative David Quall today, demanding “visitation” with the six children of his two daughters, Kim and Kay.
From Fox News: A House committee investigated the eco-terrorist group Earth Liberation Front (ELF) which took credit for more than a dozen acts of sabotage, including bombing a construction site for a research center at the University of Minnesota and arson fires that caused nearly $26 million in damage to Colorado’s Vail ski resort. Said ELF spokes-apologist James Pickering, “They’re attempting to compare us to terrorists like Al Qaeda.”
Future News Story: Duh ...
- by Garry Reed
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